I know I just wrote that human women were the most beautiful and creative creatures in the universe and I meant every word, but sometimes even they get a little stupid. 

I was reading an advice column where a woman wrote in to say that she had found her ‘soul mate’ online and was basically asking permission of the columnist to go forward with the relationship regardless of her, um, husband. A husband who, she claimed, was very nice and all, but not really her soul mate. My head dropped into my hands and I was amazed at the gullibility of human women – the generosity of their suspension of disbelief – and their overwhelming need for romance whether it is in the form of film, literature, letters, or, apparently, an arrangement of sensual catch phrases and/or innuendos on a monitor screen.   

Women who take the time to pursue an online affair and wonder why their husbands are not paying attention to them should look in the mirror.  It is so easy to present the best version of yourself hiding behind a keyboard vs. sitting across from your significant other at the breakfast table.  Falling into a seemingly mutual soul sharing fantasy with a cyberspace man is risky at best and imbecilic at worst. 

Jeff Foxworthy made the ‘you might be a redneck if’…jokes a byline.  So, as my beloved papa used to say, if you are going to borrow, borrow from the best.  If any woman reading this can see herself in the following statements then you need to get your head out of your…um,  computer and take a look around; and, instead of just fantasizing about a more romantic life…get one.

Regardless of how wonderful, gracious, creative or beautiful a human woman you are – you might be stupid if:

• You’ve read the Twilight saga more than twice and dream of becoming a vampire.  Really? How old are you?
• You believe every word your cyberspace ‘friend’ tells you.
• You believe every word you write to your cyberspace ‘friend.’
• Caught up in your fascinating imagination you have forgotten three undeniable truths: only Barbie gets Ken, Scarlett gets Rhett, and Bella gets Edward.  I may be wrong, but I am pretty sure your name isn’t Barbie, Scarlett or Bella.
• You escape into the contrived romances of books/films/internet instead of confronting the problems in your life that are preventing you from having a real one.  Remember, nothing changes until you do.
• You view the man in your life through eyes misty with the unshared fantasy you have in your head and feel sorry for yourself because he is not enough.
• You believe someone you’ve never physically met, smelled or touched, and who has never looked directly into your eyes can be your soul mate. Someone who has never held you when you cried, tolerated your irrational outbursts, actually stayed in the room when you said those four little words “honey, I’ve been thinking,” and will still be in that room even after this particular infatuation is just an embarrassing memory.

It is an undeniable truth that human women deserve to be cherished every moment of every day by the men in their lives…it is women, after all, who make their lives possible…but women need to do a little cherishing back.  

If I could tell every woman in the world one thing, it would be that it is irrational to expect the man you once fell in love with to be the same guy now, if you are not the same woman he couldn’t keep his hands off of.  

Seriously, think about it for a moment: perhaps the grass is greener on the other side of the flat screen because it is fertilized more often.

That would explain everything...almost.  

             Yes, love, I hear you laughing.

                                                                       PJ